Bike Dreams: The Square Trike

The Square Trike in a commie disguise

The Square Trike in a commie disguise

One perfect summer evening, buzzed off of Miller High Life and dangling our feet carelessly over the porch’s edge, we decided to get out of the rat race — to take on that American sense of invention and make our own fortune. After some light debate, and the sobering realization that we lacked any salable skills, it was decided that we would sell hot dogs, ballpark style and dirt cheap, to drunken revelers ambling between house parties.

Volume was key to the business plan — move enough dogs and it was worth it. But we quickly ran into the problems of logistics — how could we move these little bundles all over the city, shifting our resources with the parties, forming and dissolving at random and without warning? How could we make the trips worth it, so that we weren’t constantly cycling between the base grill and the customers, wasting valuable time in transit? We were stumped, and it was enough to drag our dreams of being self-made men, standing atop a fortune built upon meat, back to the cool paint of the porch railing.

The spring/summer party season is here, and so is the Dutch Bicycle Company’s Square Trike. Perhaps we can dream again.

And really, who better to trust with our plans than the Dutch, who have been hauling stuff around via bike for what feels like centuries? The Square Trike is built around a unique drivetrain and a sturdy steel frame, which will keep the wheels  of (our) economy going; it can hold 350 pounds of cargo (i.e. hot dogs), which means we’ll have to start buying wholesale lots. Brakes on every wheel mean we won’t have to worry about a runaway cart of pork (and beef and chicken and fillers). The only hitch I can forsee is that the 5-speed internal hub might make it difficult to get away from the police after someone calls the Health Department on us, but I have absolute faith in those beefy quads of yours.

Four grand and our troubles are over.

[The Dutch Bicycle Company]


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